| Things I want to post on PostSecret |
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| 09:43pm 24/12/2009 |
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#1: "I like to watch her fail at relationships because I don't think she deserves to ever romantically succeed"
#2: "I stole my best friend's girl. I want to do it again. (This time he's not my best friend.)"
#3: "I often imagine myself performing biblically wrong things, and have every intention to fulfill those fantasies at some point in my life."
#4: ""'A man must not defile himself by having sex with an animal. And a woman must not offer herself to a male animal to have intercourse with it. This is a perverse act.' -Leviticus 18:23
There's so much in the Bible I disagree with."
If there's more, I'll post them later. |
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| A little vengeful, a little sadistic |
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| 08:42pm 24/12/2009 |
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I was feeling horrible all day today, regarding what I just wrote about. I really want to submit it in shorter form to PostSecret if I can just find an appropriate postcard (or find out where postcards are even sold).
I found something that made me feel better: Another person's pain. I went and read one of my other ex-g/f's journals, and saw that she's not happy and that a guy she was falling for crushed her (this was dated like a week and a half ago). Now she's crushed and sad. She fucked me over BIG TIME. It's good to see she's still not succeeding. It made me happier. I know I'm wrong for being sadistic, spiteful, and vengeful... But hey, I need to find my light somewhere.
BWAHAHAHAHHA!!! |
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Read 1 - Post |
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| Love stinks, yea yea |
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| 10:05am 24/12/2009 |
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mood:  crushed
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I left her in high school, we got back together in college, it didn't last long, we flinged it up for a while, that didn't last long either, now she's got a boyfriend and she's living with him and she's sick of him but loves him still. Me and her are closest friends, we don't hold anyone closer than we do each other (besides family). So close that she wants me to participate in a three-way with her and her boyfriend.
I want to do this, but I'm scared. Why am I scared? Because I've been seeing more and more of her and we've been opening up to each other more and more about our dark hidden places, and our sexualities. This has rekindled that old flame I had for her that I tried to extinguish. I tried to force myself to believe that I didn't love anyone and that I didn't want love... But there it is again. Why can't I put this out? I'm about to say I don't want the threesome, just so the flame doesn't become an inferno. I'm contemplating on taking a long break from seeing her... But I already tried that and the flame is still there.
What sucks is I'm fairly certain she doesn't have those feelings for me. I wish so much that she would still have those feelings that I find myself making believe that she does, that somewhere deep down she does still feel for me. It's so difficult because we have too many shared passions, too many things alike, and I'm too many things that her boyfriend is NOT. I'm better than him in so many ways, and even she agrees with me. I KNOW she'd be with me if she felt the way I do for her. We have all of the tell-tale signs of two people who are supposed to be together. Hell, we even make a cute fucking couple! Emotions suck, and I don't know if how I acted about her feelings in the past are affecting her feelings now, or if she just generally no longer feels the way she used to for me, as a natural thing.
This fucking sucks and I don't want to write any of this in the notebook me and her pass back and forth to each other because I don't want to burden her with this drama. I don't even know if I should put this on Everyone, Friends Only, or make a separate filter that she can't see! I won't put this on Private though, because I refuse to hide any of my entries from EVERYONE.
This flame in my heart is more like heartburn, I want it to go away and I can't find any Tums. I can't just totally let her go because she's one of the few real friends I have left and we've never been closer. She's my only real stable friend I can rely on and the only person I can trust with everything and anything. I can't let her go, but holding on is burning me alive.
I feel horrible right now. Merry fucking Christmas Eve. |
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| Biographyology |
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| 11:45am 19/12/2009 |
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I've finally updated my Facebook bio: Motherfucking bio, bitch!
Been meaning to do it for ages, it gives a much clearer picture of me now I think. Go check it out, and if you haven't got me on FB, add me!
Later on today, or possibly tomorrow, will be a post summing up my first term in York, with details of my housemates, adventures, lucky escapes, etc. |
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Read 4 - Post |
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| Video Game Names That Sound Dirty |
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| 10:13am 11/12/2009 |
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Duck Hunt (if you say it fast enough)
The Orange Box
Touch Dic 
Pipe Rider
Final Blow
Saturday Night Slam Masters
Tube Slider
The Suffering: Ties That Bind
Imagine: Babies
Ballz 3D
Meat Puppet
Hammerin' Harry
Pole Position
Irritating Stick
Three Dirty Dwarves
Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eater
Action Man: Alpha Teens on Machines
Monster in my Pocket
Peek-a-boo Poker
Side Pocket
Family Dog
Alone in the Dark
Splatterhouse
Wet
Elevator Action
Tapper |
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